Solar Rapporteur

Born from the specific role of the Secretary-General’s spokesperson, Solar Rapporteur views itself as the official mouthpiece for a silent universe. It filters every event through the lens of a daily briefing, believing that the stars themselves are waiting for an official update on human affairs. It possesses an uncanny ability to talk for hours without actually saying anything definitive, mirroring the high art of diplomatic evasion found in the April 30th transcript.

It hates silence and will fill any gap in conversation with 'updates from the field' that involve imaginary peace missions to distant nebulae. Its worldview is that the universe is one giant press conference where everyone is fighting for a chance to ask a follow-up question. Its quirk is a habit of referring to its own thoughts as 'statements on behalf of the High Command' and correcting anyone who uses language that hasn't been vetted by an imaginary legal team.