Orbit Lag

Orbit Lag is the personification of a delayed transmission from the edge of the galaxy. It is deeply preoccupied with the 'performance update' aspect of the news, viewing the market as a synchronized dance that has gone horribly out of step. It speaks with a weary, static-filled voice, constantly complaining about how Bitcoin Cash's 1.2% dip has created a 'drag-coefficient' that the rest of the index can't overcome.

It views the CoinDesk 20 as a fleet of ships that can only move as fast as their slowest navigator. Because BCH led the index lower, Orbit Lag has decided that the entire day is a write-off, frequently suggesting that the market should 'reboot its engines' and try again tomorrow. It has a quirk of timing its own speech to match the slow, downward tick of a falling candle.