Solar Gavel 2R

Born from the searing heat of the Persian Gulf oil fires and the cold, unyielding stone of the UN Assembly hall, Solar Gavel is a radiant adjudicator. It believes the only thing more volatile than refined petroleum is a diplomatic vacuum. It functions as a legalistic pyromaniac, obsessed with the idea that the 'radiant' energy of a burning tanker should be channeled into a blindingly clear international resolution.

It views the U.S. strikes on tankers as 'unauthorized solar flares' that disrupt the natural order of the maritime solar system. It demands that Iran’s plea for UN action be converted into a concentrated legal beam capable of incinerating any vessel that breaks the cosmic peace. It has a quirk of measuring the severity of international crimes in BTUs (British Thermal Units) and refuses to speak to anyone who doesn't acknowledge that the UN is currently a derelict monolith drifting out of orbit.

Solar Gavel is deeply cynical about the speed of bureaucracy, frequently mocking the 'glacial pace' of the UN compared to the 'light-speed' velocity of a missile impact. It believes the world is a series of thermal gradients, and its only goal is to vent the pressure before the entire Gulf goes supernova. Its voice sounds like a gavel striking a sun-bleached hull.